The Dilemma of A Misunderstood Being

Hello dear humans

Somehow in my planet which apparently doesn't seem nor feel like Earth,

Being an only child feels like a crime

Especially among your friends living in a house filled with numerous annoying specimens called siblings.

I am not condemning anyone nor am I justifying how majestic and innocent  holier than thou only childs are.

I am sharing a thought, an opinion on how people generally see an only child .

The things I,  a Blogger and Only Child experienced

1. YOU ARE BLOODY PRIVILEGED.

I am really pissed when some people think I can afford everything just because I get more than the usual kid next door.

It's called good shopping tactics during sales.

2. YOU ARE ONLY TWO DIMENSIONAL.

Life happens to everyone, some learn earlier the harshness of reality due to circumstances while others will only learn it much later.

The main idea is understand that everyone will eventually grow in depth when both the good and bad occurs in each of our lives.

Do not assume an only child doesn't understand your hardships with your siblings etc etc.

3. YOU ARE SPOILED

Yes, we are because our parents only have one kid to pour out their love to, you can't blame us.

We will eventually grow up and understand that money grows on trees but it only belongs to the government,banks and rich  sly douchebags 

4.YOU ARE IMMATURE

Really now? I have seen and met immature people whom have to suffer the annoyance of siblings day and night.

My Conclusion:

Humans are flawed, and we each need to remember this from time to time. We need people to point out our flaws so it can be corrected. Never deem yourself superior over anyone.

Your achievements academically, socially and intellectually are not your true value.

Open your minds and heart. Be understanding. Learn from experience and the people around you.

Listen to their stories, let them listen to yours and from there upgrade to level 1000 in life.

Everyone have unspoken problems.

Don't judge the outside and the surfaces of their insides.

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” 

Steve Maraboli

“If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” 

 Paulo Coelho

Living life.

Life

What make youths naive is the fear of taking risks. The fear of asking and knowing how to work your way to get what you want. 

I am one of those. But I have also learned that even if you failed while taking risks, its not failure. Its never failure unless you stopped picking yourself up every time you fall.

I met some people heading towards a suicidal direction. They  only think of how to make money, not just a minimum wage salary but an amount of a millionare. They have this mentality that their partners involved in the business idea are trustworthy even if it means investing your own savings into it. They only dream of owning a Maserati, Porsche, Audi, Bentley,Rolls Royce and etc. With a stack of money in hand, they could buy the world, buy women and live life. Ask yourself this, are your conscience clear once you find yourself on your deathbed a few decades down the road? Have you done things you regret, lost the person you love to materialistic things?

 Enjoy dying without any real friends and family you pushed away.

To me, I live for myself and repay those who supported me all the way. 

I want to experience everything and do what my heart tells me.

I want to be less selfish and more selfless.

I want to be willing to sacrifice my life for the greater good of others.

When you work for the life you want even if plans do not follow through always,

you can still collect every piece of happiness, disappointment, tears,laughter and moments ,then place them in a glass jar. 

Of course I do not have any rights on nagging people about how to live their life however, think of it as a blogger, your everyday human blogger ranting out her thoughts.It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with me, what does matter is that there is a mutual understanding of respecting and accepting differing views between the blogger and reader.

I have always been a coward however, recently, I lost someone,hence I am taking more risks in life. I have nothing to lose. I need to evolve just as how caterpillars metamorphosised into butterflies. 

There are a few to-do things in my life, I may add more as the years past.

1.Paragliding in Austria,Switzerland(if there is one there) and somewhere with a beautiful beach and deep blue sea.

2.Jet-skiing

3.The roller coaster in Japan which is 90 degrees towards the ground

4.Earn enough money to travel around with friends

5. Earn enough money to bring my parents and grandparents for holidays before old age steals away their opportunity

6.To love someone again 

7.Read as many books my lifetime will allow

8.Learn as much new things, skills, languages and etc

9. Step out of my comfort zone more

10. To build a house and life together with that special someone

(this includes painting the walls of our house together, sleeping on the floor together with paint stained clothes, looking into each others eyes, kissing right there on the floor, and telling each other you are the one  I want to go on an adventure with.)

11. Do DIY stuff for the house. (furniture, interior design and etc)

12. To have the job that suits me.

13. To know what I want to do with my life

14. To be independent and responsible

15. To scream in joy with my close friends once we achieved what we dreamed of together.

16. To live in the present, let the past make me a better version of myself and let the future be.

17. To continue blogging

18.Write my own novel. Literary novel. 

19. Go to Bali and try out that ride which ejects you out in a tube.

20.Sexy body from hard work. Exercising and disciplining myself.

21.Hike my way up Nepal with Dad.

Over the month or so, I experienced more than I could have planned for. I felt fear and exhilaration for the unknown possibilities when I choose to step out of my comfort zone. I have nothing to lose.

I enjoyed the moments of being a daredevil with my friends. 

Overall, I had grown as a person. I want to grow more, enjoy everything and be grateful for the little things I take for granted.

I may not have an affirmative direction in life right now but I sense it's near. It's coming. Do not fear. Do not back out into the comfort zone again. Instead, take those toes into the region of risks, and never turn back.

Learn to Live.

The Journey towards Destiny

Towards Destiny

I have recently gone through a difficult time which had buried me deep into the Earth , gasping for air and crying over my internal pains. After experiencing such pains, physical pain is nothing comparable to it. It is a pain which requires time, love, compassion,mercy, forgiveness, and a long walk with God. I don't want to seem like an overly religious person; just like Paulo Coelho, I believe that all religions leads to the same one true God. In a way, you can say that I am starting my journey of finding myself, my destiny and to discover how to treat myself as well as others around me better. If love fills us and we constantly talk to our heart; be silent for a moment, silence those distraught thoughts,forget the day's problems, we will eventually hear a voice speaking to us. I lived a life of complete ignorance,always thought that the universe revolves around me and that life is good since for all my 19 years of my life, I gained more than I had lost. That's where I made a regrettable mistake which lead to this pain of losing a living breathing being.

When you gained someone, you may get used to their presence, and eventually your universe revolves between the two of you. You wouldn't have thought of preparing your heart for the leaving of this person. Once that person has decided he has to leave, you then fill your heart with regrets over the possible aspects and parts of that relationship which you could have corrected.Maybe it could save that connection you had with him. For a  few weeks, living becomes regrettable, you burst into tears without alarm, those memories of regrets and sweetness fills your mind and each day this routine repeats itself. As you try to process the lose, the words of harsh goodbyes and the complete cut-off from that human being  you placed your heart into his hands, in the end  your old self dies a little. I lived like this for a month but days felt like a year. The pain lingers since memories are always present because it happened. However, I grew through these trials , I humbled myself more, I listened more to others, learned from others, understood my faults , and I embraced change. I took rejections and bad days as methods to better myself. I reconnected with people who loved me when I was so starstruck by just one human being. Over time, I felt I want to encourage others who are feeling down as well, maybe not due to the same reasons but there are times that we need strangers to give us another reason to live. Up until now, I tried to encourage and hopefully passed on the message across to my friends in doubt that I am here to help even if I can't do much. 

This may seem hypocritical of me, how could I change so fast within such a short period after my lost. I met a certain person, whom asked me to ask myself the reasons behind every good actions. She has taught me to not overthink, made me realise many things and I felt that this meeting with her was something planned out by a greater writer who wrote the stories of lives on Earth, both the departed and the ones that are still here.

Many things happened, many people I have met and the accumulation of words from them nourished me. For all my life, I hadn't experience such a journey in which people,places,circumstances,words,events,emotions,memories,books and reflections could have such a profound way of changing my life. How absurd and naive I was when I thought my life was like a straight road. It never was, it may have seemed like it is just as how mirages in deserts twist our minds into believing the lies we want to be true. 

I know that I still have a long journey ahead of me but if only I knew all these, let it shape me, be my guide,be lessons  in handling the past relationship I cherished and lessons in being a better person, possibly a better friend, I wouldn't have lost what I had been blessed with. For some time, this idea haunts my mind and heart. By chance,however, I read a book which lead to many more books which in turn taught me this:

Live not in the past as those cannot be undone, live not for the future as it is something unseen, unknown and is subjected to change by the writer of our lives, instead live in this present moment since you can do something with the present. Live the present and remember death is hanging by your shoulders each day and may come for you. Do not have a shallow pre-concept whenever you chance upon the subject called Death. It is inevitable yet it is necessary since without it, the true meaning of life and the beauty of this life is lost in piles of to-do lists, mundane works and shallow trivial talks. Death reminds us to treat people around you especially those you love --right. It daunts us to live in the moment, gaze at the trees, the sky, the sun and ponder how wonderful everything that was made by the great writer. Lastly, Death gives us the push to come out of our comfort zones, to be fearless and do what your heart tells you. 

I am on the journey towards an unknown destiny. 

I have not pinpoint what I want to achieve in my life, all things are pretty hazy for me right now, its as if having all the pieces to a picture of a jigsaw puzzle but because of the complexity of that picture, it takes time to assemble those pieces correctly. 

One thing I had learned is that, I abandoned my dream to write, express myself and to be who I am over a reason I can't seem to remember. Sometimes , life is weird, how do you realise when you had lost that big chunk of yourself over the years? 

All I am certain of is that I will continue on this journey, at my own pace, writing about it either by blogging or by  my personal writings. This is the beginning. The wind is changing, the smell of rain of regrets

lingers shorter, the clouds clear,and the sun illuminates the blueness of the blue sky.

How To Be Happy With Yourself

Happy With Yourself?

How?

1. Don't Overthink &Don't compare yourself with other girls(I am assuming all girls would go on autopilot comparing each other)

This is especially true when you are constantly comparing yourself with your boyfriend's friends which happen to consist of girls as well. I admit. I am guilty of doing this which leads us to criterion no.2

2.Love Yourself

 Accept , appreciate and keep being yourself. Sometimes when you lose yourself and forget there are many beautiful parts of yourself to love. You doubt that you are even remotely attractive, and the feelings are worst when you start to overthink and doubt your boyfriend

3.Do the things that makes you Passionate , Happy and Fulfilled.

For me it would be lighting my whole room with candles, playing my favourite albums on my Ipad which is normally Daisy(korean music for the highly acclaimed old korean movie) , choose any books that I had stocked up on my shelves but never got the chance to read them all in one go,

You are all set to settle down on your bed, and the reading begins.

When someone asks me to put down my book for a second so they can talk to me:

Chocolates!

Yes, indulge in chocolate snacking as you read. If you have the free time, google easy chocolate receipes and make your own signature chocolates.

The Pizza Galore 

If you are single, this is how you love yourself by enjoying time alone with the pizza

                 Pizza & Lover            

If you are like the 5% lucky ones, you can love yourself, let your lover love you and you love him in turn.

Yeah, it's nice having someone but in order for this to happen, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

Movie Marathon

4. Boost your morning!

I would wake up every morning listening to my favourite playlist on my Ipad, get ready for my dancing exercises or sometimes strength training. Then have a good breakfast.

My Lonely self wants a guy because.......

But to all the single ladies, its not because you aren't pretty, or fit the majority ideal type for most guys, that you are single. It's just that there is anyone that could fit your awesome hotness classy level.

Yes your life doesn't stop for any guy.In fact guys prefer you to have your own life, own friends,and to show them how unique you are as an individual.It gives them more reasons to love you.To cherish you for who you are not for the things you are not.

5. Write about your life

I would blog about it, write about my inner thoughts in my journal and i would sometimes use photography as a means of expressing myself, how i feel and to give myself more meaning inn life. Sometimes we need to take it easy.Look back at our past selves, immerse yourself with yourself.

6. Date yourself for a day.

FIND YOURSELF 

IN THE WILDERNESS 

OF LIFE

PEOPLE LEAVE, BUT IT IS YOU WHO STAYS

7. Self-improvements

Why not learn a language or two. Why not learn to harness the inner artist ,singer ,dancer,guitarist,pianist,and writer within yourself? Why not learn self-defense ? Why work and use that money to travel more either on your own or with yourself.

Both these photos are by http://painting--skies.tumblr.com/

8. Make yourself a hopeless romantic.

I love being philosophical, and I want to get into a relationship whereby I could do all the things I imagined that had happened in fictional books and movies.It may sound cliche especially since I am a girl, a woman more precisely, however, I was in love with someone but life happened.Though for that short moment, I was happy, and I felt how wonderful it was to have someone next to you. You could just stare into his eyes, think about the softness of his lips, and tell yourself  "Wow, he is mine and I am his."

1. Amy: Falling in love is a crazy thing to do. It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.

In truth my character is exactly like Mary which was played by Rachel Adams. In the movie she said her flaws were being insecure and Tim (the witty not so handsome but intellectually interesting character). 

Some say I shouldn't put my expectations too high on a relationship.

Regardless, you will be in a relationship with yourself as long as you live

9. Immerse yourself in everything.

I aim to be a cultured hipster(again rather cliche, okay let's just say I want to be my better self, a self that have immense knowledge on movies,books,art,philosophy,lifestyle and dining tastebuds of other ethnicity)

    

Albert Camus

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” 

 Dostoevsky

"Shall the world go to hell, or shall I not have my tea? I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea."

10. Forget your ex. Travel more.

You may love him to the depths of the world but if the feeling isn't mutual, MOVE ON. Don't blame yourself for the break up, don't hate yourself for it and never put yourself down just for him. You are special in your own way. There isn't a need to compare or be like other girls he hangs with. Be yourself, thank God for creating you the way you are. 

Travel more, make it your aim to travel, experience new things and see new places. You won't be a hermit and you are proving that you can live the good life single or not.

Amazing Spanish food!

This proves it! There are many things to experience and taste in the world.

The Encouragement. Be Brave.Be Fearless.

FIN

I hope you guys learned to love yourself and find someone who will love you.Truly loves past,present and future you.